Met with my sponsor tonight after my homegroup. That's been when we've always met.
After we finish with our sponsor-sponsee time, we usually hang out with his wife, and whoever else happens to be there.
Tonight was a little different, though.
After we finished, he told me that he wasn't certain he was comfortable going through the Step Guide with me anymore. His reason is that though he's worked the steps all the way through, he's now going through the Guide with his new(ish) sponsor, and he hasn't worked as far through the Guide as I have.
I can understand where he's coming from. He told me he intends to talk to his sponsor and a few other guys about it, and he also advised me to perhaps begin "looking at some resumes."
I can very much respect that he was up front with me about it.
I'm really REALLY tired of everything in my life having to change every couple years. He's my second sponsor, and I trust him with anything I could bring to him. He gives me a perspective that I usually don't see myself initially, and very much value the relationship I have with him.
I don't
want to shop for a new sponsor,
especially given that I'm going to be potentially moving to a different part of the country this autumn, and I'll have to do that then anyways (along with get used to new
everything).
His daughter's first birthday was Friday. I helped them set up for the party. Very much consider them to be family.
My disease is telling me that if I change sponsors (with or without a big move this autumn) that feeling of family will fade, and I've had that happen too d**ned frequently.
I am going to pray about it, turn it over, talk to other recovering addicts, all the things I know to do.
I can have Faith, but that doesn't mean my fears aren't real. I'm so used to rationalizing my feelings, then burying them. Yeah, his choice makes sense; I'm still scared and sad, and feel somehow responsible "must be my fault, somehow."
Anyhow, I just needed to vent a bit, and I don't know many people that are awake at this time of night. Things are the way they're supposed to be, I'm just where my HP wants me, and it's not as bad as it seems. Feelings pass, and I grow from them.
Tags: Venting
