Wow.
Thre is so much to write, so much to get our of my system. I have allowed a family member to get under my skin and disturb my serenity. I almost ate over it.
Called my sponsor while sitting in the car in front of a Burger King. Was ready to do major damage to myself with food binge. My sponsor wasn't home, left a message, but I needed to hang on to someone. Couldn't seem to connect with HP...probably because I was so full of hatefullness.
Needed someone I felt close to so called a woman I sponsor and asked her if she wanted to trade places...she be MY sponsor for a change. It worked. 
She is great, anyway!! After 15 minutes of getting all the venom out of my system, I had a reprieve on my hunger. Was able to order a salad and a diet lemonade...an abstinent meal for me. Was able to resist all the comfort food waiting at my brothers house and stick to water when my family of origin was indulging
in binge behavior (normal for them). HP was there all along, really. Still working with my sponsor on major resentment and pain from being used by a family member. Still have my abstinence, still have recovery, still have a decent life.
The other problem for me is that my new husband is gone for two weeks, 
in another country where his son is getting married. For a variety of reasons, mostly financial, I couldn't go. So this is the longest we have been apart since the first day we laid eyes on each other. I spent the first five days traveling to friends and family, but now I am back home and isolatiing. I am not bingeing, but I have made some less than perfect choices. Today I am OK. I have been isolating and I need to break out of that pattern as isolation for me is disastrous. Writing this blog helps.
I have been on the phone with my sponsor, have talked to a friend on the phone and have talked to Jerry on the phone. But I need a physical connection.
So I am going to try an on-line meting. It is not physical but it is program related and I need to double up. All these feelings are very difficult to deal with, and they have led to addiction indulgence in the past.
Today I will go to another town to get a face to face meeting, and probably a hug or two. Saturday I have my home meeting here in town, that I started with another two friends last October. It has been, along with my sponsor, my anchor in recovery.
So I hope to chat with some of you Sunday night in the online meeting. I would love to have a phone meeting that wasn't 5:00 am PST!
Keep shining everyone! (only 9 more days till Jerry comes home!)
Love and hugs...lots of hugs!
Nancy
Tags: 10th
