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Absolutely going crazy....
Posted On 09/06/2009 15:37:49 by aknight35

Hi everyone. This is Andera again. I am not sure what to put today, but i feel like i need to talk. I have more issues going on besides just recovering, although i can say that i have two weeks and 1 day under my belt for now. However, with my other issues it is such a struggle not to want to just crawl in my bed and hide. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II / Mania, severe depression, Panic Disorder, and PTSD. Now we have found that the medication that i am taking is causing additional problems along with these others. I feel like i am going crazy. I just want the confusion, anxiety, and depression to STOP. I want to be able to function on a normal level....yeah i know what is that...I am talking about getting back to how i was before i used....I was strong, knew what i wanted, took care of myself and others, and was always the first to step up to help take care of something for my family members. I am just lost in an abyss of nothingness and very raw feelings. The recovery part is not the hard part....for me it is the want to use. I know that I have to give it up to god, it is imperative to get passed step one. Which i am still working on step one. Any way, my concentration level is next to nothing. I can't sit still for no more than 5 minutes or so, and can't seem to keep my mind in one spot as well. So i am going to close for now. Maybe i will post something when i am having a good day...but haven't had one of those yet. Thanks every one.

Tags: Using Drugs Depression Anxiety



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Viewing 1 - 3 out of 3 Comments

From: DennisS
09/06/2009 19:28:49

Andera -


     Fifteen days clean is not to be sneered at. Tis a wonderful thing and one should be proud. That craving will lessen, but it often takes time. Be patient with and kind to yourself. We often forget that it took a long time to screw up our lives - so we expect that it will get better immediately when we stop drinking or using.  Nope, rarely any such luck.


    That first step is the only one we can do perfectly. Admitting I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. Accepting that as fact. Period. Nothing more. Nothing less.


     From your writing, that first step admission is as plain as day...


YFIR,


Dennis

From: crow73
09/06/2009 19:25:45

Andrea just don't give up before the miracle happens my friend!! By putting your feelings out there on the table, you are taking back your power that your addiction has on you. I am also dually diagnosed, and it can be a challenge!! I am here to say that recovery is possible!! I have been stabalized almost 3 years now, and I couldn't ask for nothing more than the life I have today!! I am so grateful you are here so I can keep my eye on you! Haha!! Thanks for sharing, and I will see you in "our room." Huggers


--Angie Fallowfield

From: flowerchildofjc
09/06/2009 15:51:44

Hey Andrea, everything takes time. When I got sober, I too had anxiety and despression issues to deal with. I think that is something that a lot of recovery also struggle with, besides being alcoholics and addicts. Feel good about being on step one. That is right where you need to be. I lot of alcoholics out there are not even on step one, or not even aware that there is a step one.


Thank you for sharing how crazy you feel. I feel crazy all the time, and it helps a lot to just share it with someone, anyone. Especially with people who I know understand my craziness. Congrats on 2 weeks girlfriend! That is awesome! Keep sharing, take it one day at a time, and it will get better. Early recovery is no cake walk, but so worth it. love and peace to you,


Jessie

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