After some pondering, I've come to a realization about this blog, and my experience here.

First of all, I have never seriously blogged before...so the reality of others observing and responding is kind of disconcerting

Secondly, this is where I've made human contact, when people have connected with me and I, in response, have connected to them. This is great. The program is most real to me when interacting with people who know what I am going through.  

Th... Read More

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THis will be short.

Not abstinent, not the worst. I feel too busy to do program. Just swamped with life right now. Sort of blessed, sort of cursed. My sponsor is begging me...at the very least, do the 11th. She is right.

God I am here. Help me, because I can never help myself. Please, God, do for me what I cannot do for myself.

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Today I dont want to write. Not proud of my food. Didn't do my 11th step, no quiet time. No calls. Did go to a meeting. Did meet with someone I sponsor. Faked it.

God are you there? Please take over...I am headed for a mess and I cant do this on my own.

I'm committing on this site to calling my sponsor tomorrow. And if she isn't there I'm keeping on calling till I get someone. No meetings in this area tomorrow.

I didn't hurt anyone today. I am afraid of my food behavio... Read More

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Today I dont want to write. Not proud of my food. Didn't do my 11th step, no quiet time. No calls. Did go to a meeting. Did meet with someone I sponsor. Faked it.

God are you there? Please take over...I am headed for a mess and I cant do this on my own.

I'm committing on this site to calling my sponsor tomorrow. And if she isn't there I'm keeping on calling till I get someone. No meetings in this area tomorrow.

I didn't hurt anyone today. I am afraid of my food behavio... Read More

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Today I tried. Today I was serious about my program. Today I was almost abstinent, but I lost it this evening for a bit. I wont minimize but it is progress not perfection. Today more of the onion was peeled away and I got down to the core issue of shame. I intended to be more aware of my feelings and my actual honest desires. I have been so overwhelmed lately with pressure from outside myself, whether it was my mother's standards in housekeeping, my need to be respected and loved, my own perc... Read More

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