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Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Blogs.
Well first I want to say that I am sorry for running away from you wonderful friends and GOD. If you did not know I decided that I thought that it was going to be a good idea to go to the bar. Instead of what I like to do more than a lot of things in the world. I got f**kin drunk a day after I had 6 months in smart hugh. It just makes me think that maybe I don't have a chance of staying sober. Although I met with my Pastor today and went over some things that I really want to do and that will help me make it one day at a time. On a positive note I started school on Monday what a change a good one I think. I Love all of you wonderful people Your friend Trent
Tags: Relapse
Well I am kind of confused don't know wether to step up or just wait. I think a thing I am lacking in recovery is companionship with the opposite sex. I don't want a relationship or just a sex fling I want somebody in my life to relate to. About a year before I came into recovery the first time I had a female friend who was in recovery but has now moved to Las Vegas. The bond between us was so tight, but now I don't have the courage to step up and ask for friendship again. I don't know why I just clam up when it comes to talking to females and that really bothers me. I just want some one who I can take out to eat and have an enjoyable time with maybe even go catch a movie. I don't want a relationship at this time just a friendship if you have any advice to help get me out of my shell please holler. I know I am not very attractive but that does not mean I don't like to have fun. Thank you your brother ion recovery Trent
Tags: Companionship
Well here it is lets here what kind of feedback is out there today. My status today has a lot to do with this blog. Trying sooooo hard to get out of my head not really working though. I know that we are our own worst enemies but I don't know. My mind is racing I keep telling myself that I don't have to drink today but my head keeps pushing go ahead you have been sober for a while now and a few drinks won't hurt. Why thee F**k do I or we have these insane thoughts. I am not going to drink today but these thoughts are pretty convincing. Especially with the weather today rainy and wet. These thoughts are very irritating. Sorry I make you people read this crap but I don't communicate very well. I think that is because I care way tooo much of what others think of me. Maybe I am not good enough I don't know. Here we go right intop the darn pitty pot feels like it could be a deep one again I hope it does not last too long not sure if I can handle too much of this crap. Thanks for listening everybody I love you all very much. Your friend in recovery I hope at least for today Trent.
This wonderful wet Tuesday evening a friend called me up and asked me to do him a favor. The favor was to present to him his one year medallion. I was in treatment with him last year and we have been friends ever since. He is one of those people who was there for me when I was not there for myself. When he asked me to do this I almost started crying it meant so much to me to have the privilage to present it to him. I guess it just shows even if we have a slip there will always be friends there to help us get back on our feet. His friendship means so much to me and I am eternally grateful that GOD put him in my life. I hope this will give somebody some inspiration. It really showed me that I can also make it on the road to RECOVERY!!!! Thank You all so much for listening and may GOD be with you on your journey... Trent Olson 
Feelings what exactly are they? Where do they come from? And why do I need them? Those are the questions that I am pondering today. I have spent the better part of ten years trying not to feel them now it is like a volcano of emotions just waiting to erupt. I don't know if I should let them go and erupt or try to keep them barried. If anybody has any advice please let me know what you think. My counselor is trying to get me to move on and move out soon, but I think it is way too soon to go back out into that real world. I am not ready to live in an unstructured enviroment. Just a lot of things going through my mind at this moment need a placee to vent and this here blog is what I am using at this moment. I just wish it was easier for me to talk about what I am feeling. I always hold things in and that is not good for me I need to let go of all that s**t. If you have read this far you must be a very patient and understanding individual. May GOD be with you all on your journey. With Peace Trent.
It is one of those things that comes and goes. A big thing is what the F**k am I doing with my life. I let so many people down. It kind of seems like the harder I try the easier it is to fail. It is my second time in a Half-Way house and sometimes it seems like I am making head way but then all of a sudden a shot below the belt and it sends me for a spin. Then I think I can bring up some of these issues with my family and they shoot me down faster than I can bring it up. I don't think I am the enemy but it sure seems like it. And then the trust issues come up and it seems like all h*ll? breaks loose. I put more trust in others than I do myself which I end up getting f**ked over with. It just seems like my emotions are going a million miles a second. It really sucks. I am just about sick of them I understand why I used NOT to feel this crap. I thought a person was supposed to feel better when they are not using but this evening sucks ass. Thank GOD it is Friday and I go to my favorite meeting. If anybody else feels like this please chim in and let me know how you have dealt with it. 
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