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Viewing 1 - 7 out of 7 Blogs.
Step 7 is the mid point in the 12 Step process. This was an important step for me. We ask God to remove our shortcomings. A very hard shortcoming for me to lose is fear. We discovered in our inventory work that fear was at the bottom of everything. As I prepare for my total knee replacement next month fear creeps back in. I am truly afraid of surgeries. As an RN I know just enough to worry. I know that anesthesia has serious risks and my doctor explaining them ,as he must do, did not help. I have committed to it as I committed to step 3, to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand him. I cannot be a practicing member of AA without acknowledging my commitment in step three.
As I complete the "inner work" of steps 1 thru 7, I must be prepare for the "outer work" of steps 8 thru 12. I trust in my Higher Power to prepare me both mentally and physically. He is leading me to mend my body for the tasks ahead. I will need good legs to carry me to the meetings, to help me drive to spots all over town to pick up drunks for meetings. He has guided me to AA and has been by my side for the last 2 years and 4 months. He sees me when I act foolishly, when I forget to pray, when I'm critical of others and He chooses to heal me anyway. "All fall short of God's standard." We cannot be perfect.
Humility is a key word in step Seven and one that is hard for all humans. Why, just 28 months ago I was the center of my universe. Now I find out that there is no center or even edges to the universe. Humility means giving up control. I made a conscious decision to give up control in step three and I must live by it or else it's a false oath I've taken and makes a mockery out of my program, which I believe is kick ass.
When we put our lives in God's hands he will reshape us as he see's fit. I will march into that hospital at 6:30 AM on April 17th , surrender, and" get out of His way." Say one for me that day. Terry
Tags: Humility
Dear Relapse, I like the expression "We're all made equal but some are equaler than others". Don't tag yourself. You are not different than any other addict. The bottom line is you will die from this disease if left to your own devices. A life run on self will is doomed. You must surrender. You must be honest and admit that you need it and want it because you have reached that "jumping off point" where you can't live with the drugs and can't live without them. This is the stage of the illness where lots addicts/alcoholics surrender because they see bottom in sight. Try to keep an open mind and make a commitment to meetings. You will get free coffee and meet very interesting people. Listen to how it was for them and how it is now and you will want what they have. The trick is to come back long enough i.e.: getting lots of meetings under your belt, until you have faith that the program will work for you. One of my favorite speakers, Clint Hodge, said that "faith is a simple trust built on experience." That quote has been a keystone in my recovery. It was my first miracle in AA that I believed in something. I kept coming back long enough to see those coming in behind me proclaim the miracles as they gained sobriety. I have proof that this program will work to keep one dry just by osmosis. The beauty of the program is that it offers more. It offers sobriety (love that word) to those who not only stop drinking but who work the 12 steps. You get to choose the degree of help you want. I suggest the full Monty.
You are already learning in your "on and off" program. You have learned a sense of loyalty to the group ('I don't want to lie to my AA friends'. I‘m ‘ashamed to go back and tell them I slipped‘). You had a stretch of sobriety that lasted X number of days. That's a miracle. You could have lost those days like all the other lost days.
Without knowing much about you I am going to make some suggestions:
1) Remember this is a spiritual program. Very important concept. A friend in L.A., who's not an addict, is the most spiritual person I know who believes in the spirit of the universe. He prays to ocean, which he calls mother. He draws energy from this and is very successful. We must turn our lives over to a source and we must believe and as all believers know "all prayers will be answered.
2)Go to meetings daily. Get a home group. Let a small group of people get to know you.
3) Honesty, Commitment. When we are sober we must work this simple program with all our might. We must be led by this fellowship of men and women who are getting well and teaching others how. I took a test for the Postal Service years ago and I flunked it the first time. All the flunkies were told by a very wise Postmaster that...if we studied well for the test and flunked it we had a problem. If we hadn't studied, we had nothing to worry about, just go home and study and take it again. This is true for A.A and N.A.. If you do what you're told and relapse then you have a problem...but remember what the book says: "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has followed our path". And even these who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders recover if they have the capacity to be honest. So no one is left out of this program. We can all recover. We are all equal. The difference comes when one will not live the program (and we learn very quickly in A.A. and N.A. how to live the program). Ask yourself all the questions you need to ask about this relapse. Don't look where you fell, but where you slipped. There was a trail of banana peels a block long before you fell. Pick yourself up and start again. You've learned a lot along the way so this is not 10 steps forward and five steps back. It is, however, time to get honest.
4) Sponsorship. You know the importance of sponsorship. Get a good one with lots of years. They teach us not only how to stay sober but how to be men. Something our father didn't teach us. You can get all that stuff you missed in childhood thru a good sponsor by example and by lessons. They are not our therapists but you can get therapy if you observe their actions, listen to what they say, and do what they tell you. Get a temporary sponsor first (be up front and ask for a temporary sponsor) and continue to look and listen for the one who has what you want, then pounce on him.
5)Count later. Forget about sobriety dates. These dates become so important that it makes it difficult to get back on the horse if we fall. Don't count the years. Count the miracles. I'm serious. Write them down in a "miracle book". That reminds me of the next suggestion:
6) Journaling. Write down all the good things your doing, all the bad things too. Start today while it's fresh and write about the banana peel trail. What led to this slip and how can you fix it. Do this daily like a teenage girl.
7) Put Higher Power first and all else will fall into place.
8) Prayer. Prayer is meditation. It gives us relief from our cravings, anxiety, anger. Make yourself a prayer. Type it out in a Word Document. print it out. keep copies in the car and every place you'll need it. Make it a long one. Two or three pages. Include all the twelve step prayers (easily found in the pages I told you to read. There are also lots of suggestions on the internet.), Include a list of your character defects and ask your HP to remove them. Make a list of people you resent (you can add this after you complete step 4) and ask God to save you from the anger these cost you. Make a list of everyone you’ve harmed and ask God and to help you not repeat such behaviors. You will add this after Step 9. Mine is three pages and it continues to grow. In prayer we ask our HP to help us by making us what he wants us to be, not get us out of a jam.
Pick up this prayer and pray away the cravings, anger, anxiety. This is, of course, after you called that contact, after you've called your sponsor.
9) My last suggestion is therapy or counseling. I recommend looking for one who deals specifically with addiction. Learn all you can about yourself. We alcoholics come from dysfunction. We need to learn about shame and fear and where it all comes from. Some of us were not as fortunate as others when it came to inpatient recovery programs. There is much to be learned from these wise counselors who work in recovery programs (you know: treatment centers.) You can get it there or privately, but get it.
Good luck, Friend. I will pray for you and write me any time. Terry
Tags: Relapse
Life and death on a daily basis.
We all have a story to tell. We may be shy and be afraid of talking in front of crowds but we are called in step 12 to spread the word. We probably feel less intimidated by others now and realize that people coming into the program are just like we were, miserable scared and feeling one down. We must share our experience, strength and hope to the newbies just as Bill suggested we do. That's how it works, like in the military when they say "Watch one, do one, teach one.
"
This is the action step. Time to "put our money where our mouths are", so to speak. We must offer them a chance to lose their doubts and fears and begin their recovery. Are we willing to allow our Higher power to use us in this way? The theme of surrender, humility, and service calls us to duty as we start to practice daily what we've learned. Our recovery stories are vital to those who come in to the program behind us. We remember how those messages of hope filtered in through the fog that surrounded us during those early days of sobriety; how the things they said like "keep coming back' and "don't leave before the miracles" kept us sober one more day. Our stories are about hope, hope that they don't have to drink again, that this can be the very last relapse and that they don't have to die the alcoholic death. We remember that it is about life and death and that our mission is a vital one.
We all have a valuable story to tell and we need to find the way to tell it. One way is to learn to listen to the other persons needs.
We didn't respond well to
"preaching" and neither will they. We need to learn to communicate with sensitivity and love. We need to "love them until they can love themselves" . The other Book says "throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress and God will save you and those who hear you." In other words, actions speak as loud as words. As we practice the 12 Steps daily, others will see us and want to hear our story.
Whether it be in one to one conversation with a newcomer, or sharing at a meeting or speaking before the fellowship, we are called to spread the word in this action step. Every alcoholic is a lost soul whom our Higher Power wants us to bring back into the fold of sobriety. When we do this we have worked step 12.
Love and Serenity to all, Terry
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Tags: Recovery
Well now, this is one to think about!
How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day?
Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're
probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly she/he can get back her/his focus on what's important.
Five years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a taxi cab in Indianapolis. Here's what happened:
I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Indianapolis Airport. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!
The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly.
So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call "The Law of the Garbage Truck."
Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did.
So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck." I started thinking, _how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets?_ It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore."
I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well, now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing;
I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses. Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at their best for the people they care about.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
You'll be happier. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...
Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
Tags: Serenity
You've Been Tagged
1) I've had hemoglobin levels of 5 several times due to alcohol consumption.
2) My doctor made me a no-code the last hospital admission after giving up on me.
3) My family swears they never knew I drank.
??
4) I took a fith of Jack in a carry-on bag on a flight to LA and spilled it in the isle.
5) I painted the windows black in my bedroom and drank for 60 days.
6) I used to crash weddings and drink till I passed out.
7) At my peak I was drinking 2 fifths of Jack a day.
8) Favorite thing was to drive drunk.
9) I passed a sobriety test once after drinking 12 drinks in a bar.
10) I've been homeless twice.
NO FOOLING AROUND HERE. IF WE'RE GOING TO TELL ON OUR DISEASE LET'S GET DOWN AND DIRTY.
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Tags: Alcohol Recovery Tag
Last summer, around June, trillions of Cicadas emerged from their dormant stage here in Kentucky. These were the 17 year cicadas who spent the last few weeks of their 17 years in a conscious state, above ground. They made lots of noise. Here in Louisville I could hear them right through my walls when I lay down at night. I couldn’t help but think how we alcoholics are like cicadas. We have lived through long periods of oblivion to the world around us and eventually , in A.A., we learn to burrow out of the holes we dug and join the world. Many of us get a short time to make everything right. We struggle to get everything done that a normal human being has 75 years to do. We can feel overwhelmed at this chore but just like the Cicada, there is a plan, a cycle if you will, thought out by one who can see the big picture. We must learn to trust God, turn over our will and except His will. The Cicada goes about it’s work in those God given three weeks like there’s no tomorrow. There song is a happy one as they go about finding love , ensuring the future, and preparing for the next cycle; all in His plan. Let’s trust God and make the most of our “three weeks”.
Tags: Spirituality
REMOVING ALL LIMITATIONS
The void within is filled with Love.
Joy, and Peace become the radiance of your Being.
Harmony exists within each moment.
You cannot work at being in state of Unconditional Love
-it is merely the byproduct of Letting Go and reconnecting to
love without conditions.
You will no longer need dramas in your life to serve as a
catalyst to get you where you want to go.
You will already be there.
Tags: Serenity
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